My name is Constance Harbinger and I used to be normal.
Now I'm just conflicted.
RUconflicted2?
Most of my conflicts revolve around Reality.
Defining the nature of this most human construct is both the root of all evil and the end all/be all of the human universe. Each of us has our own peculiar version of what's real and what isn't, determined usually through our individual experiences and upbringing (or lack of it). Most of us come to a public consensus regarding generalities, like you can't walk through walls or what's up and what's down, but agreeing on them doesn't make them REAL.
Sometimes individual experience teaches us a different set of "rules" and we suddenly find ourselves "outside the box" and falling, because there is no floor (or walls or roof).
Reality is based on infinity rather than logic.
That means anything is, was or might be possible, or not (as the case might be).
We humans (and I assume you're with me on that one) often simply can't handle infinity. In fact, encountering infinity for the first time often leads to insanity. Once you have stepped out of the box and into the infinite universe of possibilities, you can never be sure your next actual footstep will connect you with a floor, because you "know" there is no floor or walls or roof...it's all possible or not, depending on what's happening at the moment on that point (in the great cosmic geometric grid) where you are ever-present and accountable.
We humans crave normalcy.
We want rules and order.
We also want to be left alone.
We all know, deep in our hearts, that a benevolent dictatorship would really be a peachy keep kind of government, providing the guy in charge actually liked everybody and was wise enough to make all the right decisions, because
We don't want to have to be in charge.
We just want to know what the rules are so we can avoid getting into trouble while at the same time doing whatever we want to do and getting away with it.
Life is a game we want to win (with the least amount of effort and the most enjoyment).
We get really grouchy and depressed when winning is happening for us.
But none of that is real.
We made it all up.
We invented this mess and we're stuck in it and it pisses us off.
Because we didn't start out as humans.
We were born free spirits, without bodies, on a plane of existence we long for but cannot reach.
Because our present condition has torn us into schizoid dualisms, part human, part spirit and totally conflicted.
Out in the universe we fell in from, although there IS a blueprint for Reality, there are no rules unless we make them up. No polarities, no "good" nor "evil"...just endless space and time twirling around each other, forming endless soap bubbles for us to play in. We were born to play, to be free.
Our elders gave us free reign to explore but only one caution:
The freedom of the universe is ours.
It is only when we form attachments that trouble starts.
If we find something we like, and we share it, and there is a sense of infinite pleasure attached to it, there always comes a time when we begin to worry if the supply will run out. That thought festers until it darkens the pleasure and corrupts it, until we can only like that pleasure if it is entirely OURS. The infinite becomes finite and hardens. Physicality is produced.
There is no floor. No walls. No door. Unless we make them.
The desire for "ownership" creates a false bracket around a section of the Great Number Line of Infinity, and that section alone is falsely defined as "Reality".
The true natural order of things is to fly aimlessly across space and time, experiencing everything and moving through everything, a free spirit with no attachments and no solidity.
No seriousness.
No nothing.
Just energy. Light, free-flowing, effort-less all-encompassing energy.
But somewhere in our travels, we got stuck here on earth, an unusually thick and physical planet. The huge gas planets held no attraction for us. We were young rebels, looking for a quick descent into Matter, tired of guessing what being solid entailed, ready for a shock and an amusement.
We were messing with something we had been warned about but refused to believe.
We went from free spirits into muck.
We got all intrigued with physicality, and were not prepared for the consequences.
We visited the bodies of living beings to experience life on the physical plane and got stuck here.
The aliens have landed, and they are US.
We are "embedded" in the life of this planet, from the smallest grain of sand to the most complex minds of science....We are stuck ot the "Do Not Pass Jail" space, until we earn our way out.
Now we aren't completely free, nor are we completely "human".
We "know" stuff that can't be proven, like ESP and Clairvoyance, like "flights of fancy", "emotion" and "fulfillment"...We have needs and desires, we have a small voice inside us that points the way (or gets us lost)...We have baggage/knowledge/awarenesses that didn't come with the hunter/gatherers we invaded, those with the drive to survive, the practical folks who knew might made right and you did what you had to do, regardless. Intelligence for them was directed into learning what had to be done, according to scope and sequence, in order to make it through the rounds of the year. Simple. Direct. Human.
We, on the other hand, wanted to savor the experience, to add spice and passion, to find the best this world had to offer, and to gather it all together into luxury...into perfection. We understood from the beginning it would take manipulation and struggle. There would be wars. There would be consequences. There would be winners and losers. But that was the excitement. That was the game we were here to play.
We just didn't expect we'd get stuck in it.
We found ourselves somehow (maybe as a consequence) bonded to the life cycle of the planet we invaded. We are now trapped in karma, forced to work our way out of our circumstances, like bees stuck in honey. There is lots to love here, and much to hate, but we can't get away until we achieve balance, release our attachments, and fly free. But this has been going on so long, most cultures here have forgotten the way out, or even why we're here, and have given up. The only other way out seems to be to completely destroy this planet and see what happens.
I'm not sure that's a good idea...
So, I'm conflicted.
RUconflicted2?
